It's going to be disappointing

Spaghetti squash blooms

January and February of this year seem such a long time ago. Ron was ill, but we still talked about the garden we hoped to have. He listened as I rambled on about seeds and soil, offering a few suggestions of what he'd like to see planted. We had no idea just how sick he truly was. 

All the garden planning wasn't wasted. I did manage to start JetStar tomatoes, cabbage, jalapeno peppers, bell peppers, spaghetti squash, basil, dill, cucumbers, gourds, and some annual flowers. I wish he'd have lived long enough to sit in the garden and enjoy being among the growing things.

The brutal heat wave we experienced mid-June wreaked havoc on my garden. I've been told tomatoes won't flower if the temps get above 90F, and it looks like that may be somewhat true. The plants should have a lot more flowers than they do, and some of what was blooming have dried up.

The dill is over. It bolted in the heat so I pulled all of it and dried what I could for the spice rack. The cabbage is doing wonderful, tucked safely beneath a mesh cover to keep the moths away. Yes, I know the cabbage are planted very close together. They are annual plants, good for one year only. This works just fine. Next year I'm putting the cabbage in buckets so I can plant something new in the raised bed. The jalapeno peppers are finally flowering, but not profusely. I hope I get enough of a harvest to make a batch of cowboy candy. If not, I'll have to purchase enough to round out the recipe. 

Every year is really a different growing season. One year the peppers may be too plentiful and the tomatoes crap out. The next year, just the opposite can happen. We plant and we hope, and we accept what we're given. 

My garden will look very different next year as I'm learning to do everything - cook, do laundry, shop, and garden, for one person. Except for the begonias in the planters, that is. I've mentioned several times that my grandmother loved red wax plants and I grow them every year in her honor. 

It's never too early to plan, and I'm making notes of what I think will work next year. The damn squirrels got to the lettuce and spinach, so I think I'm going to invest in a raised planter with a cover. There are a variety of them available. I need to invest in some better tomato cages, too. 

My life is like the garden, always growing and always changing in unexpected ways. This year, 2024, has brought many disappointments, with probably more to come. But like the garden, I'm resilient. 

The Lady of Holly Tree Manor/The Hideaway

Holly Tree Manor, The Hideaway, gardening, rural living, country lifestyle, life changes, disappointments, heat wave, planning ahead, 

I thought it might take longer...

I've been retired for six weeks, and this is the week Lazy came to visit. She's not a welcome guest, but since her visit does coincide with the beginning of the Dog Days of Summer, I can't fault her timing. 

It's too hot to be outside during the middle of the day. If I'm going to do anything, I'd best be done no later than about ten o'clock. That's why it took several mornings to paint the porch ramps. As soon as the sun rose above the trees, I was finished for the day. Seriously. 

To make it worse, the spousal unit and I didn't do anything productive during the afternoon hours, but quiet time spent together likely did us a lot of good. Being together 24/7 is a big change for both of us. Not even during the Covid lockdown of 2020 were we always home together. I escaped every weekday to go get the mail and check to make sure the office was still standing. No one else was in the building so I accomplished a lot - A LOT - in a short amount of time. 

Today I met a co-worker for lunch, which was very nice. We chatted and she caught me up on the latest gossip. It was a pleasant interlude, but I was happy to hop into my car and make my way home. 

So I could be lazy for the rest of the day.

It was raining by the time I got home so that last statement isn't as bad as it seems. I've been working since I got my first part-time job at the tender age of sixteen. That is a long time to be gainfully employed. 

I knew Lazy would arrive. I can indulge her for a few days, but no more. She won't get the better of me. 

Oh, but doing nothing feels as good as I always dreamt it would. 

The Lady of Holly Tree Manor (The Hideaway)

Holly Tree Manor, The Hideaway, Dog Days of Summer, lazy afternoon, retirement, life changes, black Labrador Retriever, country living, rural lifestyle, coworkers, simple country pleasures

Ashes and old loves

 
An old love of mine died last week. The news came as quite a shock, especially as he was five years younger than me. It's been years since we saw each other, but we greeted each other in that chance meeting with affection and parted with a friendly hug. Never in that moment would I have believed that I'd never see him again in this life. Never would I have thought to see two of my old loves die, but now it has happened, the first back in 2009. 

Kevin came to me through my late cousin Phil. My first marriage had recently - formally - ended and Phil knew Kevin through a friend of his. He called me and had me come to his house to meet "a guy you'll like," and Kevin was there helping him paint the outside window frames. 

My cousin was correct. I did like him. The next Monday night, Kevin showed up at the bowling alley "to see Phil" and we spent two hours chatting away. That led to a proper date which led to us becoming a couple. And while we eventually went out separate ways, there was no acrimony between us. We simply needed different things. 

But, oh, did we have fun together! He didn't bowl but he did practice Tae Kwon Do. The guy had a mean spinning back kick and the trophies to prove it. He had worked his way up to a second-degree black belt before we parted and, to my surprise, during our chance meeting he told me he'd given it up. 

He lived along the Potomac River and we walked the C&O Canal towpath, fished, camped, and floated on inner tubes. He was a big movie buff and we probably went to the movies three out of four Saturday nights. 

Even though Kevin hasn't been a part of my daily life for over thirty years, it tugs at my heart to know his light is gone from this realm. He was one of the good guys. 

Rest in peace, Kev.

The Lady of Holly Tree Manor (The Hideaway)

What's next? Do I have a plan for 2022?

stock photo

This time of the year just about everywhere one goes on the web you can find a recap of the year just past and "resolutions" for the year so recently begun. 

I typed that sentence and sighed. Surely that means something. 

I'm not in a good place about the year just past. I turned in my letter of resignation and then allowed myself to be talked into staying on with several concessions. It's my own fault. Now I'm dealing with an unhealthy attitude about what has been a rather good job, one with an excellent pension plan and health plan. Nevertheless, my official contract expired on December 31, 2021, and hell will freeze over before I sign a new partial year contract. In fact, with the Omicron variant of COVID-19 wreaking havoc in my community, I may be exercising a few of those concessions starting Tuesday. 

Now is the time to consider the plan for 2022. 

IS there a plan?

There is a plan. I will be eligible for Medicare and that is the only remaining hurdle to jump to retire. The cost of health insurance was the determining factor for continuing to work. Retirement will happen.

I have seeds purchased and have the calendar posted as to when I need to plant them according to variety. The garden corral worked great last summer and I learned a great deal. 

The spousal unit is researching small vans to serve the dual purposes of transportation for him and the ability for us to do some overnight trips, stealth camping if necessary. I hope to record some videos of our "adventures" and post them on YouTube. 

My three-tiered pantry is up and running. The last item to cross off the list was the purchase of a HarvestRight freeze-dryer. Once retired, I'll have the time to do some serious meal preservation. We'll eat well on our sojourns in the van.  

I've been a published author for twenty years and I will continue to write. At what level I'm not sure. My focus has been on prepping for retirement and the future. Once I'm settled in, I hope the joy of writing returns. The hot summer afternoons will be the best time to hole up in my office and compose prose. 

And then there are those individuals I want to reconnect with. Working for a living pulled us in different directions. I take some of the responsibility for not calling them, but the phone works both ways. I plan to reach out and see what happens. 

Those are my plans not only for 2022, but for a few years to come. I realize I have a big life change ahead and I'll give myself a little wiggle room on how fast I hop on the phone or on my computer. I think the first thing I need to do is RELAX. I'll have to learn how to do that because I'm not sure it's a skill I possess. 

So there it is in black and white. I've written it out for the world to see. There's no going back on it. 

The Lady of Holly Tree Manor (The Hideaway)

It's not on my sleeve, but in my heart

With full retirement imminent, I've been pondering the nature of the friendships I've made at my place of employment. It's a fact that people come into and float out of your life. Sometimes that's okay, but other times it's a sad happening. Sometimes we understand the loss, as when a friend or family member dies. It's those times when they drift away for no apparent reason that weighs on the heart.  

I'm no more or less spiritual than anyone else, and I don't wear my beliefs on my sleeve (or t-shirt). The main reason for that is I refuse to be sucked into a debate by individuals who want to "explain" to me how wrong I am. 

I don't debate. I know what I know from experience and critical thinking. I may not know everything but I do know that nowhere in the religious texts I've read does it say, "Thou shalt be and act stupid." 

There is another thing I do know: God removes people from your life for a reason and he only removes people who are holding you back, not people you need. 

Knowing this doesn't mean I don't have questions. My best friend for many, many years moved five states away. Was it me who no longer needed her, or she who no longer needed me? The last time I had any contact with her was in May of this year. The last words out of her mouth were, "I'll call you." I'm still waiting on that call. 

Yes, I could call her but there seems to be a perverse streak in my nature that wants to see if this time, she'll follow through on her words. It's not the first time she told me she'd call me and didn't. I'm hurt enough by it I worry I'll unleash bitter words on her if I call her. 

As for my on-the-job friends, it's my decision to retire fully so I guess I'm walking away from them. It's up to me to develop ways to stay in touch with them and for them to accept the changes and reciprocate. If they don't, I need to let go. 

What I fear - well, fear isn't the exact word. What would sadden me is to reach out to someone I've known for years and get only a cursory response instead of the lively conversation of years past. That's probably inevitable when the glue that held the friendships together is dissolved. 

Retirement is my choice so I guess I'm being removed from their lives, at least on a daily basis. Perhaps it is my time to step aside. 

I'm impatient to have retirement happen. I feel poised on the edge of new adventures in my writing, life at Holly Tree Manor, and in friendships. My writing has been frozen since my writing partner died. I've tried to remain friends with a group of writers but it's not the same as that one friend who wrote so similarly to me it's difficult to tell who wrote what in those books we co-wrote. We truly clicked and I doubt I'll ever have that again. I'm eager to get to where I have the time to write without having to check my work email every twenty minutes, lose focus, and not be able to pick up the story again. 

Sage words we've all heard are, "when one door closes, another opens." It's hard to hold internal panic at bay when you see the door closing but you can't see the opening on the other side. You know where you want the door to lead, but what if it doesn't? 

And I suppose if God tells me stepping into my future means removing people from my life, I'll have to go with it and not run after them. It's not my master plan, after all. 

The Lady of Holly Tree Manor (The Hideaway)