Five years at Holly Tree Manor

Today marks the fifth anniversary of Holly Tree Manor. So much has happened in those years. The big life changing events that happened in those years are that I retired and my beloved Ron passed. I have more questions than ever about my life and the choices I've made. 

I'm not alone in wondering where I'd be today if I'd made different choices. What if I hadn't retired? Would I be happier at work than here alone all day? I don't think so. I was able to be with Ron and my only worry was Deuce. Thankfully, my closest cousin lives next door and was able to visit Deuce during the times I was at the hospital with Ron. 

Ron's passing aside, the last five years have been good ones. I started working when I was just sixteen years old. I wanted to save up to buy my own car, which I did even though it was against my parent's wishes. My mother always tried to hold me back. My father was more aware but he didn't know what to do with a teenage daughter. Dad was the one who said I could buy my first car - a 1969 Camaro. 

I worked all those years so I could have my own money, buy my own things, and save for the day when I could step into all I ever wanted to be - The Lady of the Manor. Truly, it was my fondest dream, and here I am. The reality looks a bit different than the dream since Ron passed, but he knew this was my dream. 

Yesterday, we marked the winter solstice. Starting today, we begin to have more daylight minutes every day until we reach the summer solstice. It's a cold (29F), clear and sunny day here. There is little work that needs to be done outside in the cold. I've completed a few indoor chores, perused a few seed sellers like Burpees and Totally Tomatoes, and now I'm blogging. Later this afternoon, I need to decide on my canning/preserving projects for the year, which will influence what I plant in the 2025 garden. 

My computer room/sunroom is flooded with sunlight. Outside the windows, the trees stand as watchful sentinels. My world is at peace. 

Thanks for coming along for the last five years. 

The Lady of Holly Tree Manor/The Hideaway

_*_*_

On a side note, I've got a new book out called Once in October. Click on the link to the book page located at my writing blog, Between the Keys. You will probably get a message that the link takes you off this blog. If that worries you, copy and paste in:

https://kckendricks.blogspot.com/p/once-in-october-by-kc-kendricks.html

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Why do I feel guilty?

Guilt is a strange thing. It sneaks into your life with the little things, things like rearranging the furniture.

The Lord of the Manor needed a wheelchair. Chemotherapy saved his life back in 2006, but it left his bones weak and his spine slowly collapsing on itself. It was the hand he was dealt and we made accommodations as his condition deteriorated. 

Sharing a home with a housemate is never easy. He wants the sofa on the east wall. You want the sofa on the north wall. You want a 37" TV and he wants a 50" TV. You win some, you lose some, and the price of a big screen makes the decision for you. 

Since Ron's passing, I've been in a nesting mode. When we got together, he moved into my house. We spent thirty years together and we made a lot of compromises. Now I seem to be reclaiming my spaces and reflecting this new, single woman in my choices. It's nothing over the top, but it's "me" without having to allow for another's taste. 

So why do I feel guilty? For over a decade, the furniture was arranged against the walls so he could maneuver through the house. We didn't have any rugs down so he wouldn't get stuck on the edges. Now I have large area rugs down and the dog loves it. He was afraid of the hard floors because his paws would slide, but Ron's needs came first, as they should have and they did.

Now the furniture has been arranged to my liking. It defines the spaces in the great room and I like it. I like it a lot. And I feel guilty because I like it so much. 

The Lady of Holly Tree Manor/The Hideaway

Holly Tree Manor, The Hideaway, guilt, rural living, country lifestyle, a writer's life, loss of spouse, home decor, area rugs, defining spaces, Labrador Retriever, widowhood 

A day of rest?

Several years ago, when I retired, the Lord of the Manor and I decided we'd try to practice a true day of rest. Now that I'm here alone, I'm finding it difficult to achieve. Deuce is great company but he's not a conversationalist. Lounging on the patio is much easier with someone to talk with. 

In theory, our day of rest included only the most necessary of "work." Someone had to prepare meals and feed the dog. I watered the garden and gathered anything that needed to be harvested, but I didn't pull weeds or apply fertilizers. We tried to make Sunday our day to take a drive, watch a movie, or just hang out together. 

I'm still adjusting to being without Ron's physical presence. My day of rest is plagued by boredom. That's BOREDOM in capital letters. I've watched some television (not my fave thing to do), did some reading out in the garden, played Frisbee with Deuce, and now I'm blogging. I wanted to take Deuce for a long walk but I did not like the looks of the radar map and sure enough, we've had a couple of rain showers. 

This is something I need to work out for myself. Boredom at this level is not very restful. It's restlessness in an extreme. I should try to write. I've been doing better with that this week, but writing is a type of work. I do get paid for the completed book. Do I want to be that strict with myself? Probably not. 

I think my day of rest, and now solitude, needs to be reimagined. What is restful to me? Walking the dog - most certainly. Playing in my garden - very much so. What about visiting one of the cousins each week? That's a possibility as long as I don't intrude on their time with grandkids. 

Hopefully, I'll come up with a few good options before next Sunday and my next "day of rest" makes me feel a touch crazy.

The Lady of Holly Tree Manor/The Hideaway

Holly Tree Manor, The Hideaway, day of rest, country lifestyle, rural living, black Labrador Retriever, fighting boredom, a writer's life, gardening, reading, loss of spouse, restlessness