Trust your instincts

It's not good news. Today the Lord of the Manor will undergo a biopsy. He has a mass in his lung.

My grandmother would frequently admonish me to trust my instincts. She was spot on, and I did. I knew there was something more serious going on with him than what the doctors knew. I didn't know what it was, but I knew. 

I wasn't surprised when the doctor said the scan showed a mass. Himself smoked most of his life. He gave them up on October 18, 2006, smoking his last cig in the parking deck at Johns Hopkins before going in to have half his liver removed. That was cancer, too. My father smoked and he died from lung cancer so I've been down this road before. I don't think the Lord of the Manor was surprised, either. I think he sensed it but said nothing. 

Where we go from here is a bit unclear. He has decisions to make. It's his life and his body. He has to decide what he's willing to endure in the way of treatment. Having survived cancer almost twenty years ago, he knows what chemotherapy is like and he stated in the past he doesn't want to go through it again. I'm not sure I have the authority to force him. I was beside him before and it was horrible for him. They also serve who only stand and wait. 

I don't know what this day will bring. I only know I will trust my instincts as I stand and wait, and I will support the man I love in whatever decision he eventually makes. 

The Lady of Holly Tree Manor/The Hideaway

Holly Tree Manor, The Hideaway, cancer, instincts, rural living, chemotherapy, country lifestyle, life decisions, treatments

My favorite part of spring

The daffodils are in full bloom! It's my favorite time of spring. I've spent years planting daffodil bulbs all through the woods and all over the manor, and it's beginning to pay off. Down in the lower forty, there are blooms scattered about, enough that I can see the areas I need to plant this year. 

Planting daffs in the woods may seem silly. Flowers need sunlight to thrive! In early spring, the trees still need to put out leaves. The daffs get plenty of sunshine. 

I'm getting older and smarter, too. Yesterday, I was giving the lane its spring tidying with the John Deere 1023 tractor, so I took a moment to drag the backhoe bucket through the trees to make a little trench. When I separate the largest daffodil clumps, I'll have a place to drop the bulbs and dirt to cover them. My knees will be grateful. Shoveling can be hard on them. 

There are more annual chores to be accomplished. The mobile lawnmower repair man is due to arrive today to change the oil, put in a new spark plug, sharpen the blades, and if necessary, put in a new air filter. I paid a good price for the John Deere x370 mower and I like to keep it serviced. 

I hope the daffodils are still blooming at the end of this week when the Lord of the Manor will return home from his stint in a care facility. It's anyone's guess if he'll get to see them next spring. 

In the bulb there is a flower

In the bulb there is a flower; in the seed, an apple tree;

in cocoons, a hidden promise: butterflies will soon be free!

In the cold and snow of winter there's a spring that waits to be, 

unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

There's a song in ev’ry silence, seeking word and melody.

There's a dawn in ev’ry darkness, bringing hope to you and me.

From the past will come the future; what it holds, a mystery,

unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning; in our time, infinity;

in our doubt there is believing; in our life, eternity.

In our death, a resurrection; at the last, a victory,

unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

The Lady of Holly Tree Manor/The Hideaway

Holly Tree Manor, The Hideaway, John Deere 1023, John Deere x370, daffodils, care facility, In the bulb, country lifestyle, rural living, end of life

March crocus and March winds

My mother's garden was full of little "snow" crocus. I'm not sure how she accomplished it! I've tried to get the smaller varieties established on the manor but to no avail. This property seems to support the larger varieties, and that's really okay. 

Years ago I planted a row along the eastern side of the patio and finally - finally! - this year they really put on a bit of a show. I wish the Lord of the Manor was here to enjoy it with me. 

It seems strange that I've spent over forty years planting bulbs all over the place and I still don't seem to have enough crocus, daffodil, tulips, snow glories, and bluebells. I've reconciled myself that I never will have my woods full of daffodils, or if I do, I'll be dead before I see it again the next spring. Such is life. 

Today was the classic March day - rain, wind, sunshine, snow squalls, fluffy white clouds, blue sky, and then do it all over again. I hated to go outside in the wind, but the Lord of the Manor is in rehab for physical therapy and I'd promised him coffee from home. Now that I've returned home, I think a cup of tea in front of the wood stove may be in order.  

March always brings a mixed bag of weather that can be frustrating to those living in rural areas. I, and many others, are eager to be outside preparing for a garden and tidying the yard. A cold, wet, and windy March doesn't lend itself to such activities. 

Some days my outside activities are no more than walking around the property and observing what is blooming. And some days, that's enough.

The Lady of Holly Tree Manor/The Hideaway

Holly Tree Manor, The Hideaway, March, crocus, daffodils, bulbs, country lifestyle, rural living, gardening, yard work, tea, coffee, weather